Home / The Archive
The Hold · All back issuesThe Archive
Every dispatch we’ve flown from the crow’s nest, grouped by voyage. All issues are free, citable, and — like everything aboard — built from the public record. Issues marked pending exist but haven’t been loaded into this hold yet; send it in and it joins the hold as a web edition — or drop the file into /archive and add a line below.
⚓ The Foundations
- DISPATCH · SATIRE FLAGSHIP
Introducing: The Revolutionary Frochise™
Read issue →The one that named the beast. “It’s definitely NOT a franchise!” (wink wink) — the Wizard of Oz Marketing Company presents the business model with no pesky oversight, no FDD, and a Hotel California exit strategy.
- DISPATCH
Dispatches from the Deep End of Franchise Law: The 1988 File
Read issue →The NY AG letter, the Assurance of Discontinuance, Stein’s restructuring letter, and the opinion that wasn’t an opinion — with FOIL instructions so you can pull the file yourself.
- SPECIAL INVESTIGATIVE ISSUE
The Stein File: 37 Years of Sanctionable Conduct
Read issue →Alkoff (1988), Margo (2000), Libaire (2008, $94,854, “has not learned his lesson”), the TTAB cancellation, and the pattern the courts keep documenting.
- DISPATCH
Is Your Business a Work of Fiction?
Read issue →What the paperwork says versus what the pitch said — a field guide for captains auditing their own arrangement.
- DISPATCH
The Color of Confusion — Don’t Repaint Your Boats
Read issue →How Sea Tow lost its signature yellow at the TTAB in 2017 — and, as far as we can tell, never told the fleet still paying for the paint.
- DISPATCH
The Godfather Wore Yellow
Read issue →The provocation issue: if the allegations in the record were ever proven, what would the pattern be called? A question, framed as only satire can.
⚓ The Federal Case
- SPECIAL EDITION · FEB. 2026
We Are the Jaegers
Read issue →A working family, a $1.5 million lawsuit, and a warning to every franchisee — with the questions we’d ask each principal under oath.
- DISPATCH
Dragging You to Court Over Sixty Days of Billing Disputes and a Paint Job
Read issue →Six years of litigation, distilled: what actually survives of Sea Tow’s case, and the deposition math that didn’t add up.
- DISPATCH · DEC. 2025
Judge Locke Bars Document Review
Read issue →The ruling that closed document discovery and delivered the one-word review — “untrue.”
- DISPATCH
Sea Tow Files a Whiney Response to the Judge’s Order
Read issue →The aftermath of December 29: gaslighting accusations, reconsideration theater, and the art of arguing with a scoreboard.
- STORY PITCH · MAR. 2026
40-Year Franchise Fraud — Federal Judge Catches Them Lying
Read issue →The long-cut of the conduct file, from 1988 to the “untrue” finding, plus the contingency counsel who changed the equation.
- DISPATCH
The Ghost in the Rigging
Read issue →The state-court order, the “plausible” franchise finding, and the lighthouse that’s been showing the rocks since 1988.
⚓ The Subpoena Campaign & the Florida Fronts
- DISPATCH · FEB. 2026
The Subpoena Armada: The Hurley Problem
Read issue →Seventeen subpoenas, a ten-deposition order, and the boat captain counted twice. Ryan Hurley’s Rule 45 objections, annotated.
- SPECIAL EDITION · FEB. 2026
Federal Court Freezes Sea Tow’s Entire Subpoena Campaign
Read issue →The February 18 emergency motion and the freeze order that stopped the Armada in open water.
- DISPATCH
The Forum Shopper’s Lament
Read issue →The Suffolk County second front, the Gulf Coast franchisee meeting, the co-plaintiffs — and the captains who refused.
- DISPATCH · MAR. 2026
Sea Tow Opens Three New Fronts in Florida
Read issue →Three M.D. Fla. miscellaneous dockets — and the first blush of a story Sea Tow may wish it hadn’t forced into the light.
- SPECIAL EDITION · MAR. 2026
WTF (Welcome to Florida): The L’Hommedieu Story
Read issue →From federal employee to federal witness: the sworn declarations, the seized company, the boat that was never stolen. Drawn entirely from filings made under penalty of perjury.
⚓ The SBA Reckoning & Specials
- DISPATCH · EPISODE XV TERRITORY
Dead Reckoning: The SBA Deadline That Could Sink Every Sea Tow Franchise
Read issue →The June 30, 2026 recertification cliff, the impossible bind, and composite Captain Jones running aground at the closing table.
- SPECIAL EDITION · EPISODE XII
The Dramatis Personae (circulated as “Hornswaggled: The Documentary” and “New on Netflix… Hornswaggled The Series”)
Read issue →The cast-of-characters special — The Architect, The Deserter, The Fodder — in streaming-pitch form.
- EPISODE XV · JUL. 2, 2026
Run Aground at the Closing Table
Read issue →Captain Jones, a composite captain, tries to buy his waterfront building with an ordinary SBA-backed loan — and the reviewer asks for one document that cannot come back, because it was never filed. The loan, the gear, and the sale of a life’s work, all run aground on a missing piece of paper.
- EPISODE XVI · JUL. 2026
The Log Is Closed
Read issue →Fact discovery ends, the Jaegers reach for a liability ruling, and Sea Tow stamps its own sworn testimony “Confidential.” Document 318, act by act.
- EPISODE XVII · JUL. 2026
To Be or Not to Be a Franchise, That Is the Question
Read issue →A tragicomedy in five acts: New York State, the SBA, the franchisees, the federal court, and Sea Tow’s own website all give the same answer — everyone except Sea Tow’s litigators.
- EPISODE XVIII · JUL. 2026
The Termite Report
Read issue →Shooting the inspector has never once saved the house. Sixteen planks, every one sourced to a public record, for the Fleet members who think the report is the problem.
- SPECIAL STATUTORY EDITION · JUL. 2026
The Safety Net They Sailed Around
Read issue →A field guide to the New York Franchise Sales Act — what the law protects, what a franchisor “gains” by ignoring it, and four real cases where the net caught someone.
- SPECIAL EDITION · JUL. 2026
The Complete Field Guide
Read issue →The whole story, told the way it happened: the chain of documents from 1972 to Courtroom 820, the law, the players, and the stakes — in one dispatch.
- EPISODE XIX · JUL. 24, 2026
“We Will Absolutely Win” — The Scorecard Issue
Read issue →Sea Tow is reportedly telling operators the case is in the bag — so this issue pulls the full docket: every count filed in 2020, what survived to July 2026, the wins on both sides of the board, and three corrections to our own prior reporting, made with equal prominence.
- EPISODE XX · JUL. 27, 2026
Yet Another Issue for Judge Kuntz
Read issue →Forty-four minutes on the record in Central Islip: fact discovery closes, the magistrate narrows his own role, everything dispositive routes to Senior Judge Kuntz — and a thirty-day summary judgment clock, buried in his published rules, may already be running.
- EPISODE XXI · AUG. 2026
They Took the Territory. Then They Kept Suing.
Read issue →The on-ramp issue for new readers: the whole case, told in order — from the 1988 AG file to the Stein-drafted handoff, the under-one-year tenure, the $1.5 million suit, the ruling that governs, and where the fight stands as year seven begins.
- EPISODE XXII · AUG. 2026
They Opposed the Motion. They Admitted the Franchise.
Read issue →Sea Tow files four public pages opposing the Jaegers’ sealed motion for franchise-valuation documents — and along the way describes tiered franchise territories, 28 transactions, standing multiples, a franchise purchase by the CEO’s own company, and duties to its “present and former franchisees.” Plus: the SBA Directory now has an empty line where Sea Tow used to be.
Verify everything
Every issue cites its sources. Federal: PACER → E.D.N.Y. → 2:20-cv-02877. State: NYSCEF → Suffolk County → 606928/2025. Florida corporate records: Sunbiz. Registration on PACER is free; documents cost $0.10/page, capped at $3.